New Year New Me full of hope and wishes for the new year, I say it’s all bologna with extra mustard! I want parts of the old me back, and to improve the me I am today. I can’t say it’s anyone’s fault but my own for the things I wanted to do last year and didnt, even, a you know what that shut everything down. Last year got pretty rough not even going to lie, half the things I had actually planned and tickets for getting cancelled, comparing myself to all the pretty chicks out there, another year never amounting to anything spectacular or being good enough for relationships, constant battles in my head about stuff going on at the time, overthinking things, anxiety about the future. All of that while trying to savor the sweet moments that I just wanted to be fully present in & cherish them as long as I can.
With all the crap that happened last year there were some good moments sprinkled within. Moments I wish would not only come back around but definitely wish for more of. One of which was road trips! 2 amazing road trips that I recall, one with complete strangers for a day trip to the woods and one with a friend to go meet other friends! Even something as small as my favorite coffee shop finally opening back up their lounge, and finally able to sit in there with my laptop to write brought me joy.
I started reading a book that was gifted to me by my Aunt called, You are a Badass; How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life by Jen Sincero. I have been eyeballing this book for almost a year but never pulled the trigger to actually buy it. Thus far this book has reminded me of things I used to do before the curve balls of life kept coming one after another, with no time between to come up for air. The power I used to have within myself and how I handled things and stayed on a higher “frequency” with the universe and tried to attract all the positive vibes I could no matter what was sent my way. Having no issue with myself and doing things alone, and being my own person.
I forgot a lot of that, started comparing myself to people I could never be, let alone look like. I know people say never say never, but in that case 98.99% accurate. The last few months I spent so much time thinking how much everything has sucked (which it has), comparing myself to others, wishing everything was better, I looked different, and when the break was coming, but who doesn’t on occasion, the problem is I got stuck..
This book believes it or not is reconnecting me to getting out of a rut and back on track with who I used to be and really grasp what I want out of life or at least this year, let alone just to help improve myself the next few months, baby steps right!? There are some great tips in this book, and things that can immediately be implemented in life, one of the most important things is to love yourself. I do, or did and forgot, I know I’m not the best looking barbie on the shelf and can always improve myself but to toot my own horn I’m pretty awesome sometimes, and can make one hell of a friend if you are in my life. I have forgotten that for a while and this book helped me remember that.
I set some small attainable goals for the next couple of months and really want to try and cross them off the list, mostly places to go. I am going to put more effort into some of the friendships I have and get myself back out there. Between this book and binge watching the New Girl on Netflix I’m all sorts of a hot mess but in a good way and like the direction it’s taking me. I miss the old me that has been gone for awhile and need to get back there. My hopes are low for this year and really going to take a day at a time, but maybe if I try something different, it may take me to where I think I wouldn’t be able to go for a while.